I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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