Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
