I don't usually arrange sex via text message
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
