omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
