The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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