I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
