i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
