I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
