whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
