I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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