conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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