Taylor Swift is so right about you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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