Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
