the day after is always just damage control
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
not ubering you a puppy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
