I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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