conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
