I met the friendliest cop last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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