i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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