What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
