I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
