He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
