Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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