MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
