I'm lost and stupid without you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
