so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
