So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
