You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
