An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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