It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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