there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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