You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
