thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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