sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
