Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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