Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
