you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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