Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
