Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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