so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
