I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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