When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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