best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
