she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
