Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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