dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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