Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
