Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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