Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
two words: eviction party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
