508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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