he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You are the jesus of drinking
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
