the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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