Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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