I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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