Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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