There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
