I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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