Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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