my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
