so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I just sharted jello shots
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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