I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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