She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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