And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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