my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
