I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
