Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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