i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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