why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
