Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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