Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
