Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
