Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

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(305): View more from Florida

nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

Fav 25 4140 2059
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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(646): View more from New York

I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.

(763): View more from Minnesota

I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage

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(714): View more from California

I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.

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