Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
