You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
