i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
