I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You are the jesus of drinking
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
