Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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