maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
