i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
